Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
COCAINE IS GR8
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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