I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
