Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
