At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
