I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
