WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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