I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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