Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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