I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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