Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
