I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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