Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
