We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
