The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
