Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
