apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
