Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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