Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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