I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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