can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
