I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
