I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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