what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
