Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just cropdusted the office
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize