i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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