I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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