I wannas sexs uuuuu
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
