Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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