i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
