Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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