Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
