There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
