So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
