Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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