The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
