That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
