I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Quick, to the slutcave!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
