what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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