i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
