It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize