I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
