What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
