I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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