my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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