He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
