cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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