the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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