how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
