did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
