were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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