He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
