I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
