it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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