Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
