Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
