This is not my ceiling
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
