Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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