That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
