oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
