If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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