Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there's paper in my vomit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
