just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
