talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize