My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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