I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
