Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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