remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think my mom watched the whole time
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
