first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
