I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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