So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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