Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
