Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
