YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My liver just broke up with me...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
