watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
