No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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