there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
