Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
