Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
