and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He passed out mid-signature
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
