i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
