my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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