you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
whose ass print is on the piano?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
