yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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