but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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