Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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