He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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