I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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