I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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