quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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