I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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