What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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