I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
