3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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