I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
