And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize