this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Two words: nipple clamps
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