Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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